U.S. — Experts speculated this week that the Lindsay Clancy trial had set the feminist movement back several decades, but warned that there could be negative effects as well. In the wake of seeing ...

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the U.S. Congress prepared to return to work next week, one major lingering question was answered as the Senate approved a request from Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell that will ...

HELL — The Prince of Darkness admitted he may have made a big mistake, as Satan reportedly wondered if he had gone too far when he orchestrated the modern feminist movement. "Uh, seeing how things are ...

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump assured the nation that the cost of groceries should drop just as soon as he renames a few more things "America." With affordability the top concern among ...

LANCASTER, PA — Local officials confirmed on Monday that a new data center had been constructed to handle the massive influx of online rants about data centers. With servers overloaded by tens of ...

CHICAGO, IL — Principal Dan Naylor called for a parent conference after persistent concerns that senior student Anthony King was only assaulting teachers at a fifth-grade level. Though King had ...

EDEN — According to Heavenly sources, a final decision was made to provide a helper suitable for Adam after observing him for just two minutes. Adam had already stubbed his toe and misplaced a cool ...

SOUTH BEND, IN — The debate over dangerous pets heated up again after a woman took her pet velociraptor out for a walk and declared, "There aren't any bad pets, only bad owners." Sarah Orton took her ...

DETROIT, MI — Following the Senate primary victory won last night by Abdul El-Sayed, an official announcement was issued that the Middle East had expanded to include the state of Michigan. El-Sayed's ...

AUGUSTA, ME — The Democratic Party of Maine explained to voters that they can do "no rape" or "no incest", but not both. After carefully reviewing the slate of possible Democratic Senate candidates in ...

LANSING, MI — Six years after friends and neighbors mercilessly mocked him for filling his garage with industrial-sized towers of toilet paper during the COVID pandemic, local man Greg Hutchins ...

U.S. — In the wake of thousands falling ill due to parasitic infection from fresh produce, health experts are cautioning that before consuming lettuce, citizens should first try being a man and eating ...